The lesson I fought the hardest became the one that freed me the most. It’s so easy to get caught up in a victim mentality during challenges and uncertain circumstances, but navigating life without losing your sanity and faith requires the ability to shift your perspective daily. You can’t stop God’s will or force it. You can’t fast it away or pray it away. His will shall be done on earth as it is in heaven. And the moment I accepted this, a shift happened in my heart and mind.
On a beautiful sunny day, as I sat with my mom listening to music, she randomly said, “You were made to stand out. Don’t ever forget that. You will never fit in, and you shouldn’t want to.” I simply said, “Okay, moma.” She gave me a gentle pat on my back and held my hand. She closed her eyes, and then there was silence. A few minutes later, she added, “You have a big heart, and you can’t be kind to everybody or let the wrong people get close to you.” You got to guard your heart baby, she stated.
A few years after she passed, these words resurfaced during counseling. As my perspective began to shift about my old experiences, I realized that I’ve never been one to fit in — I’ve always stood out. I remember being bullied and disliked in grade school for no real reason — literally, just for being me: light-skinned, skinny, kind, and naive. The most common name-calling was “big head,” “big nose,” “big lips,” or “white girl.” What hurt the most were the more aggressive names I encountered later in life, targeting my intellect because of my soft nature and occasional anti-social demeanor.
I didn’t bother anyone outside of joking or playing when it was mutual. Most of the time, I spent my days with my big sisters. Deep down, I secretly wanted to fit in with the “popular” kids. It wasn’t that I truly wanted to be like them — it was more about escaping the discomfort that came with not belonging. I thought being in a clique would silence the mean words and lighten the weight of the projections I carried.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized the freedom my mom spoke of wasn’t about fitting in or silencing the voices of others — it was about owning who I was and allowing God to use my unique qualities.
Over time, I’ve realized that what once felt like flaws, struggles, or setbacks were actually gifts in disguise. My unique features — the things I once hated about my nose, lips, or skin — were designed to make me stand out and grab attention for the right reasons. The men can’t get enough of those features now! Every challenge, criticism, or rejection wasn’t punishment; it was preparation, redirection, and protection. My sensitivity, once felt like weakness, but it’s a superpower for connecting deeply and loving well. I can feel while most of the world has become numb to their emotions or straight out heartless. Moments of loneliness weren’t meant to break me; they were opportunities to discover that I’m the daughter of a king and to rely fully on God. And the times I didn’t fit in? They were signs that I was made for a destiny far bigger than conformity. Pain, setbacks, and differences all became experiences shaping ongoing wisdom, discernment, and empathy — the main qualities needed to walk boldly in my purpose.
In counseling, I reflected on how many times I had tried to control outcomes, people’s opinions, and even my own path. But shifting my perspective taught me that control is an illusion — trusting God’s plan is what brings true peace. The beauty in shifting your perspective is that it turns what once felt like defeat into a platform for growth and divine purpose. What once seemed so traumatic became the very foundation for confidence, elevation and a deeper understanding of how all things work together for good.
With Love,
Patrice Thomas
3 Responses
Love your post! And it’s interesting, because I was made fun of, my looks, and especially my voice. Funny how the enemy will attempt to destroy, discredit, and detest that very thing that God created in us that will be the instrument for our launch, our purpose, and our calling. As a kid and a teen, I was told that I sounded like a little white girl, as if it were something bad. I didn’t have the wisdom to say, “Well, how am I supposed to sound?” I don’t even want to go there, but you get what I mean. Not to mention, I have and still maintain good manners and treat everyone very well. I have understood how my not “fitting in” with just anything and anywhere and anyone, protected me; it strengthened me to the point that I’m very unbothered by what may appear as rejection. To me, it’s God’s protection, peace, and confirmation that I’m right where I should be, and so are you. Love you, my sister.
Thank you for sharing and I love you too! I love everything you said! It’s amazing how God uses EVERYTHING..nothing goes to waste!
God can do all things!!!